Just Another Bend In Journey of Life
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
CAUGHT!I used my lunch hour today to run home to pack stuff for S to go w/ my parents for the night. My mom came and picked her up earlier and took her for the night. Nice for me to have a night off but in the same sense I know that she's leaving soon for 8 weeks and I am going to miss her like crazy!
So I have blogged before about my Sirius radio. Well a few weeks ago I added the Playboy channel for pure amusement. I like to listen to it and I'm not afraid to admit it. I like porn too. There you have it. :) Anyway, so on my way back to work today they have this thing going on w/ 2 guys (the hosts) and a couple playmates that are doing "Candyland" games to get into some party at the mansion. They had the choice of either whipping the other with licorice or smacking her ass w/ a giant lollypop. She choice the licorice. All I could do was cringe. For I have been whipped (on the leg) with licorice and it FUCKING HURTS!!! I think it was the year I moved back here and I was at my cousins house. Hotter than hell out so we're partying outside on the porch and out of no where she decides to whack me in the back on the legs, not just once, but over and over with a fucking red vine! What the fuck is she thinking!? Granted that it hurt like hell but we were laughing because she had no idea why she did it. Ok, whatever...
So on my way home today, I of course have it tuned into Playboy again. They have a great call-in show that's on when I get off of work. Today it happened to be someone that called in about anal sex. Something about the last time being Y2K and they were going to go out w/ a bang but it hurt blah blah blah... So the guest chick, don't know if she was a playmate, pornstar, whatever, didn't really matter, is telling her the "proper" way to ready yourself for it. So my cell rings and it's the BT so I turn the volume down and talk to him. I get home and remember that I have to go pick up my anti-baby pills so I hop in the car to go to the pharmacy. I forgot that it was on the radio and as I am driving past someone I turn it up to hear someone asking about anal bleaching. OMG! Hopefully the chick I was slowly driving past did one of those "that wasn't what I think I just heard". How embarrassing!
Ok, so I get back home and the BT comes over. This is probably 5ish. He had softball game tonight so he was stopping before the game. I was going to go considering I'm childless tonight but I really don't want to sit there by myself with all the little fucking biting flies out and complain to myself as to why I was there so I opted to stay home. He was hungry and the quickest thing I had was pizza so I threw one in the oven so he wouldn't starve while he was gone. (Gotta take care of my man right!? Who am i kidding? I'm no fucking Betty Crocker or even Sara Lee!) Anyway, so I look at the clock and tempt him for a quickie. He wants a rain check. HUH!? Oh no freaking way! I wasn't really serious but now this is a CHALLENGE! Especially when his ride was coming to get him in 8 minutes!!!!! So I propped myself in the doorway, arm along each side of the door.... Ya, I got my way!!! So we take off into the bedroom for this, what is now going to have to be like a 5 min quickie. (Good thing he lives close!) We're going at it and I have him just about where I want him and I hear something/Someone. Uh-oh. My dad occasionally stops before work but dumb me didnt' lock the door. Come on, no one ever just stops over! So we're still going at it and I hear something else... and thena whistle. OH SHIT! My freaking dad is here! OMG! How embarrassing! Ok, Granted that this IS my own house and it's no surprise that I'm not a virgin since I have a 5 1/2 old daughter but still!!! OMG! So he's having a heart attack and I'm throwing shorts on and making sure I don't have freshly fucked looking hair and I take off out to the living room while I'm yelling "I'll be right there Dad". I get to the living room and there's no one there. OMG! Did he hear us and realized what was going on and took off?! Holy shit! How can I face him!? I run to the door to catch him before he leaves but there's no sign of the truck... no dust in the driveway... he's not at the corner turning onto the main road.... Then it dawns on me.... IT'S MY MOTHER FUCKING COMPUTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No, no one was here. My dad wasn't here. He wasn't whistling and yelling for me in the house. No! It was my daughter at my mom's playing with the Audibles on Yahoo. THAT is where all the talk and whistling came from!!! Damn it!
Moral of the story--- It's not my day! :) But at least I got a couple good laughs out of it!
