Just Another Bend In Journey of Life
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Ghosts, the L word and MomI can't remember if I've blogged about any of this before so if I've had sorry, but you're getting it again!!!
A couple weeks ago I decided that I should clean out S's closet. After I'd started painting her room we'd thrown things in there just to get them out of the way. So I decided that I should go ahead and organize things, go through her clothes and get rid of the stuff that doesnt' fit etc... Well as I was going through one section of stuff I was organizing this basket-type thing. It has 3 baskets that are all "stacked" on top of each other so you can put whatever in them and has wheels on the bottom of the cart looking thing. Well I was bending over and my necklace got caught on it and snapped. Yes the very necklace that I'd bought myself from my parents for Christmas. The one the jewelry store said would be surprised if I did indeed break it. I assured them it would happen and they'd see me back in the store within a few months. (Hahaha! I was right!) Anyway, it snapped and fall on the floor directly below me. The pendant however was no wehre to be found. NO WHERE! No joke. I even had my sister come up and look. We moved everything that we could possibly move. Not just sliding it from one place to another but literally picking it up off of the floor and looking underneath and all around. GONE! Not only was it beautiful but it also had sentimental value. My ex had bought it for me when he went to Aruba with his buddies.... And left me at home. Bastards! Anyway, that was a week or two ago and I still can't find it. Right before Easter I realized that I was missing my cake pan. I have my Pyrex one but I'm missing the Wilton one w/ the cover. Thought maybe my mom or dad had it since I often make dinner when my dad is in town working nights and give him a pan of whatever I made and keep a plate for myself otherwise it'll go bad. Anyway, we have all searched for the cake pan and it's no where to be found. I'm friends w/ the chick that moved into my old apt so I even emailed her to see if I left it behind even though I KNOW I packed it in the box with the kitchen stuff and everything that was in that box has long been unpacked. Ok, so fast forward to Monday. I get home from work, stop at the store and decide that I'm going to make a pan of stuffed shells. Well I get them all made up and go to wash the dishes and my freaking dish soap is gone. No where to be found. Not even kidding you!!! I remember when I moved into the house I bought a cheap bottle of the old regular Dawn dishsoap and used the last of it when I cleaned out the litter box. I keep a white board on the side of the fridge so I can write a list of the things that I need at the store, dish soap being on the top of the list. Well I look at the list on the fridge and dish soap was crossed off. I know that I bought a bottle of the dark blue power plus super heavy duty Dawn when was at the store last. I remember having it up or near the window sill right by the sink in the kitchen and thinking that it was dumb since I have very little counter space to begin with and it was being beaten on by the sun, so I put it under the sink. Anyway, so I have all of these dirty dishes from making stuffed shells and pumpkin pie (S loves it and talked me into it), so I get the water going and go to reach for the dish soap and it's not there! WTF?! I literally searched all over. I pulled everything out from under the sink, I looked in the cupboards, the bathroom, all over inside as well as outside the house and in the suana. Hell I even looked in the refridgerator!!! I'm not kidding you! The shit is gone! Vanished! I called my sister and told her that I had THE dumbest question to ask her. I asked and she just about died hysterically laughing. Well I went to the store the next day and bought a bottle of GREEN dishsoap just so when/ if the other one turns up people don't think I'm crazy. Well then I stopped at my Grandma's last night and my sister happened to be there. We were talking about my house and I was telling them how I'd like to buy a trampoline for the yard since it's so big. My gma looks at my sister and says "Should we tell her?" and my sister just sat there with this crazy smile on her face. Well, I'm thinking "Cool, Gram and Gramps got S a trampoline!" Oh no! That wasn't it at all!!! She proceeds to tell me that where my house is, used to be a funeral home back in the old days!!!!! WTF?! Are you fucking kidding me!? So last night I'm just laughing that off. Then again... I do live across the street from a Catholic church! Could it be?! So I email a guy today that knows everything about anything about the county. He does a little research and calls me at work. Oh great I'm thinking to myself! Anyway, he said that there was in fact a funeral home back here at one point in time. No freaking way! So after I hang up with him I call the courthouse to find out when the house was built and who has owned it, thinking surely if it was a funeral home at one point in time it'd be in the records somewhere. Well, I'm happy to report that they finally called me back and it was NOT a funeral home. Now I do own 2 lots so maybe at one point in time the vacant lot next to the house that I own once housed a funeral parlour that is no longer there. I'll have to look into this a bit more and find out about it. I do know it's in the vicinity but the exact whereabouts are yet to be discovered. Well, by me anyway. However, the looming question is-- Where the fuck is my dish soap!? I'm still trying to find the receipt to prove that I purchased it but I think it may have been one that I tossed. Damn it! Then there was the night that the 4 of us were in the hot tub and Jess said that she saw what looked like a person in the doorway to my bedroom. Personally I think that was all in her head but with the weird shit going on... One never knows! :)
On to the L word---
Last night BT came over. He was a bit tuned up I admit as he'd been at camp with the guys. Anyway, can't remember the conversation we were having but he blurted out that he loved me! My response (typical Sarah)-- Shut up! Yes, I know. Harsh and cruel, especially after someone just spills their heart out (ok not really but that takes balls to say for the first time). I DID explain myself. I told him that he didn't know me well enough to love me. He responded with the fact that he thinks he's falling in love with me and then laughed and said that he's "fond" of me to which I told him that I was "fond" of him too. Hahahaha!!! I know, not nice. But I refuse to tell someone that I love them when I don't. Do I have feelings for him? Sure I do. I enjoy being with him, he makes me laugh and certainly makes me happy. However, I don't feel that I love him. Not at this point in time. Now I know that people fall in love at different rates, speeds whatever you want to call it. Maybe he does love me? Maybe he just feels very strongly for me and feels that it could be love? Is it lust? One never knows what goes on in someone else's head. I guess it could be since he did try for so long and I kept blowing him off. Who the hell knows?! I'm just being cautious and not jumping ahead of myself. All I know is that I'm happy and enjoy being around him and for the time being, have no intention of starting anything with anyone else other than him. I guess time will tell as to what the future holds. I did relay all of this to him so he does know where I stand on everything. The one thing that I do believe is that you have to be open and honest with people so that nothing is a surprise. I can only hope that he understands where I am coming from, which I think he does. Do I think it could turn into love? Sure, maybe one day it will. I do know that he is something special and I like the way that I feel when I am with him. He is a very sweet and caring person. Ok, enough about that. I'm almost analizing again and I hate to do that.
Mom heard back from the Dr today. Can't remember if update you yesterday or not. I dont think that I did. The Dr called her yesterday and told her that they found a kink in the artery that they were going to do surgery on tomorrow and he wanted to get the actual pictures and take a look at them and he'd get back to her today. Well she waited all day long to hear something and finally around 230-3p he finally called or emailed her. Apparently there is a blockage but not where they thought it was so they want her to go to a Neurologist. Nice. Well, she already has a brain tumor that was discovered this time of year 10 years ago, and they think she had it 5-10 years before then. She doesn't want it taken out and they don't think it's cancerous. So, my guess is that she'll be heading back down to Marshfield.
And that's all I got to say about that.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
I lied-- Living room before
that you see in the before pics is only 1/8 of the stuff they left in here that I had to clean out. Unbelievable! (Not sure if I said all that yet or not!)
Oh, and keep in mind that the red is not so blood red in person, it just turned out WAY brighter in the pics!!!
This is just not cooperating w/ me today and it's annoying so you're getting all these pics in 3 different posts. Man, that's 4 for me today!!! I must be making up for lost time!!!
The shit
Before & After-- Living Room
Ok, lots of stuff to do in here yet. I need to get another frame for the wall by the entertainment center 'cause it's off and it's really bugging me, the paint also needs to be touched up... I know there are butt ugly things on the windows, they were left here and are in no way, shape or form staying on the windows but I needed something there until I figured out what I was going to do and since they were left here I figured what the hell? I do believe I'm replacing them with wooden blindes of some sort. I do need a new front door and as I was peeling the tape off of the shelves I found some beautiful wood underneath the white so I just may strip those. Please dont' hold against me all the shit in the pics either!!! :) It's not the final finished product! :)
Before & After... S's RoomI've tried this 3 times now. It better work! I'm getting irritated! This is S's room. All the crap you see in the before pics is stuff that they left me with. Nice huh? Notice the big ass hole in the wall near the door? Ya, that was about as big as a 3 year old kid!!! I still have the blue paint tape up as there are spots that need to be touched up. Nothing on the windows besides the old blinds that were already on there. The trim needs to be painted but I'm not doing that yet either.
Dancing and turkey bastingFirst of all I'm a total sucker for romance. In my mind the little things in life are the things that count. Flowers are nice but they die. Why spend $90 on a dozen roses when they're going to eventually die? I'd rather take a card with something hand written in it or a cheap peice of jewelry from WalMart that I can look at and remember how/when/why and from whom I got it. I'm a sucker for memories... Anyway, I've always said that the first time a guy asks me to dance in my living room (or wherever for that matter) I'm screwed. Well last night I was screwing around at the pc and installed the new version of iTunes and was playing some songs that I like and BT asked me if I wanted to dance. Right here?! Seriously?! In my living room!? Are my ears dirty and I just thought I heard that but I really didn't? Was it something about your pants? Nope. I heard him right. Unbelievable. I just sat there with what was probably the DUMBEST look on my face. I didn't know what to say. Speechless. I didn't speak nor did I take him up on his offer. I just sat there in udder shock and awe. I couldn't tell him about my little dancing thing. God forbid I admit anything to him about anything. Seriously. I don't know why I can't do it but I can't. I've admitted that I like him and that he makes me happy. That's enough don't you think? I don't love him as I dont know him well enough to make that sort of judgement. I may be in lust... Of course I still tell him that we're unlabeled. It's easier that way. Once you label something it just gets screwed up. Or is it that I'm afraid of commitment? Do things change when you have a commitment? I know that I am not interested in anyone else at this point in time... Hi ho hi ho, up the baster I go.....
Monday, April 24, 2006
On a rollMan, I just realized that I've actually posted like 4 or 5 times in a week. Something must be wrong with me. :)
The living room and half of S's room are done!!! YEAH!!! Actually I still have spots in both rooms that have to be touched up but I actually hung up my pictures in the living room just to see what it would look like and because I'm sick of living around boxes. So far it looks pretty good. Last year (I think), I'd painted S's hands and feet with bright pink paint and had her put them on canvas. They actually turned out really cute. Of course I had ideas but did nothing with them. Well I found them in the picture box while going through them on Saturday and decided to high tail my little butt to the dollar store to get some cheap frames. Of course they didn't have white so I opted for the oak ones and painted them white when I got home. I had some heavy duty canvas double mats at home that I'd planned on framing them with but they were too plain so I painted the smaller inside mat the same color pink as the hands and feet and then painted the bigger part a light green. Went to put them in the frames and they didn't freaking fit!!!! AUGH! Well, I managed somehow to squeeze them in so they looked ok, taped the bottom of them so they wouldn't fall out and then attempted to hang them on the wall and guess what? Yep, forgot that the mat wasn't in there all the way so I hot glued some hot pink ribbon and hung them up on a nail. Did they turn out cute!!! Better than I'd even expected! I'm soooo happy! I'd bought and painted some wooden letters that spelled out her name a while back and instead of sticking them on the wall I attached some pink ribbon to them too and hung them up. I'm just so pleased with the way it all turned out!!! Now I just have to figure out what to put on the other wall above her bunk bed because it just looks too bare. I think I may put up one of those wall words/quotes things. I just have to find the right one for her. I think it'll be cute and if I don't like it I can just paint over it. The ceiling fan, which I'd decided to turn into a flower needs major work. The "petals" turned out ok but I really dont' like the way my sister tried painting the leaves on the ceiling so I have to fix them. Hopefully I can get it to turn out right. Hopefully I plan on keeping this house for a while!!! :) My next thing is to find some window treatments for the windows. The living room still has green blinds and burgandy valances--ya those match the walls real nice!!! I figured I'd leave them up until I figured out what I was going to do with the walls. Her room on the other hand, has white blinds, which is nice but I have to find a valance or something so they're not so bare. Ok, enough of the house babble...
We went out Friday night. My old neighbors, the newlyweds, and the new boy toy. We went to dinner at the restaurant at the Casino and then ended up getting sucked into the casino. Man, I HATE that place!!! I haven't been in there in years but it only took me less than 20 min to give them $50. Assholes!!! The boy toy's sister on the other hand was in there and the little bitch was winning up a storm. I think she walked out $280 ahead. I hate lucky people! From there we went to another bar and I got a little out of hand and ended up dancing on the chair and then that just wasn't good enough so I had to move to the table! Good thing I'm short and didn't hit my head! Hey, at least I felt good on Sat. BT wasn't real happy with me but you know, I'm not going to change my ways just because he doesn't like it. I mean, he knew where I was going to right? I didn't lay my hands on anyone, there was no bumping and grinding action with any guy on the dance floor. Although there was a smelter in there that had hip waders on so I stole them from him and danced around with them on for a while. I'm sure that was a pretty sight!!! :) My point is that I didn't do anything wrong and I'm very comfortable with who I am, who he is etc... I know he's not going to take off on me with someone else and if he does-- his loss. I don't play that game. I believe in trust and if two people can't trust each other then what is the point? He did apoligize up and down the next day for being such an asshole, which was good. I just explained to him that we came from two very different relationships and are not used to each other's ways. He came from being with someone that basically stalked him where ever he went. He wasn't allowed out of her sight and she'd call him non-stop. In fact, they've been broken up for about 2 years now and she still calls non-stop and when she's in town, she'll break into his house (now that someone showed her how to do it) and crawl into his bed. She is a nut job. Seriously. She called Sat night around 2am wanting to talk to him on her way home from the bar and telling him to call her sometime when he's alone. He gave me the password to his phone and let me listen to it before he even did. I trust the guy. I know where his head it and where he wants to be and don't feel the least bit threatened. On the flip side--- I know what its like to be in love with someone and not being able to let go and move on so I do feel for her. I look at how long it took me to get over D and it was tough. Some days I wonder if I am totally 100% over him. I guess I look at it as something I HAVE to do. I have to move on because I know, and have known for probably the last year and a half that we were together that it was never going to be. It was never going to work. It's just hard to let go of something that you're so used to. BT and the ex were together for 5 years, high school sweethearts. I can sympathize with her and how she feels but she has to get over it at some point. I wish her the best and hope someone comes up and sweeps her off her feet someday and she rids herself of her jealous ways. If she doesn't she'll be doomed because I can't think of one man I know that likes to have to "report" his where-abouts or if he's taking a shit or not every 5 minutes. People need space!!!
Friday, April 21, 2006
It's finally done (almost)I got a great big bug up my ass last night and decided to finish the damn living room. AUGH! :) I'd run out of paint from the first gallon and went to my local hardware/paint store and they called up to Sherwin Williams and got the paint code. Well when I opened the gallon and compared them-- they're just about a shade different!!! AUGH! Oh well, I decided to paint anyway and would figure it out later. After it dried there is only one part where the color difference is really noticable. It's above my entertainment center and that thing isn't the easist to move so it's just going to have to be. :) I was looking at a mirror w/ coat hooks on it to (obviously) hand coats on and then remembered that I had a big white mirror that I hadn't figured out where to put yet so I painted that sucker black and I'm going to get some coat hooks to hang on it. Saved myself about $50 right there. I'm so smart! Well then I just didn't have enough painting to do and I had the black paint out already to I decided to paint all 4 of the ugly green sconces that are on the walls just to see what they'd look like. Well that and the fact that the green just didn't go with the living room. I like them way better now but I just hope that it's not too overpowering although the trim (which still needs to be painted) is white, the furniture is a brownish color and the entertainment center and computer armoir are wood so it shouldnt' be too bad. I'll just have to hang stuff up and go from there. Although I can say that as long as it took me to paint that damn room there is NO way I'm repainting it anytime soon! I still have the kitchen, bathroom and my bedroom to do! I swear, a woman's work is never done!
My mom's surgery is scheduled for next Friday. I guess that's both good and bad. It's good that they didn't think it was necissary to get her in IMMEDIATLY but bad because this is going to be one extremely long week ahead of the family. The one that's 99% corroded is going into her face and the one that is 68-80% is going into her brain. They're doing the 99% one first. Instead of putting a stint in they're going to clamp both ends and then "clean" it out. I'm sure everything will go just fine. It's just going to be a long week.
Half day of school again today so I have to pick S up and then drop her off at the sitter's house. It's my old neighbor and they have a little girl which is really nice for both of them. Keeps them occupied. She also has a baby so the girls will keep each other busy and she'll have more time to focus on the baby. I tell ya, when I had S I wanted nothing more to stay home with her but after going back to work, I cannot imagine being a stay at home mom. I need adult interaction.
As for the weekend, you probably won't hear from me as I'll be busy attempting to paint the house. :) We'll see how far I actually get done, although now that I'm on a roll I may actually do it. I have nothing going on tomorrow that I can think of so I may take a ride to WalMart and then the bday party on Sunday. Who knows? I haven't given the hot tub a whirl in a while. I may have to do that this weekend... Although it's been raining so that's probably not smart... I guess we'll just wait and see.
Have a good one!
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
More crap from me...Well I got the hoses for the washer and hooked that up finally. Thank God! Although when we turned the water on for it the hot water leaks so that has to be replaced, of course! At least I can turn it on and off when I need it so it's not dripping all the time. I did manage to put a good dent in it and got most of them done as well as going through my clothes and S's clothes and getting rid of them. Now my bedroom looks almost livable. Still more to do. I swear I don't have enough hours in a day to get everything done that needs to be done. I work all day long and the last thing I want to do is go home and clean or paint or whatever. But I suppose I have to. Can't live in a pig sty.
I recently found out that my mom had a corroded artery in her neck. She had an ultrasound done on Thursday and just got the results yesterday. Apparently there's not one but two corroded arteries. One is 99% blocked and the other is 80%. Not good. She's too young to have these problems. She has an appt tomorrow morning to figure out what they're going to do. I'm sure they'll be doing surgery but they may send her away since she also had a brain tumor that they really don't want to operate on. She found out about the tumor back in '96, so 10 years ago. I guess I'll just have to play the waiting game and see what they tell her tomorrow. I'm trying to remain calm and not freak out about it. After all, it's out of my hands and there's not much I can do.
On the flip side, the hot tub has been running constantly. I'm not sure if it's because it's been cold out at night/morning or what. I'll have to check on it again when I get home. I still have no desire to sit in the damn thing. I'm not that big and I know that 4 hours was WAY too long to be in it. Granted that I was in and out or sitting on the edge with my feet in it for a very good portion of the time but still... I should know better. Oh well. We had a good time. At least I didn't cook my insides!!!
I have a birthday party for my little cousin after work today. She turned 7. S got up this morning and was SO excited about her bday. She said "Mommy, she's almost an adult now!" I had to laugh. Out of the mouths of babes huh? Oh to be 7 again and not have a care in the world. The biggest problem you have when you're young is worrying about whether it's going to be nice outside or not so you can play. It's funny how we spend our childhood years wanting and waiting to grow up and then when we finally do, we spend the rest of our lives trying to be young. We should be able to start out old and get younger. :) Sounds good to me.
I've got nothing else that I can think of right now. My brain is pretty much fried today. Too much stuff going on.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Ramblings...Yes I'm slacking again. I haven't been on the pc much. Granted that it's finally getting nice out and I hate being inside in the summer. I hate winter so I'm always inside with nothing to do.
Filled up the hot tub and had my first tubbin' party. I think I overcooked myself. Seriously. We were in there for just around 4 hours. Needless to say, I'm tubbed out. I was literally sick when I got out at 230am! I laid on the deck and thought I was going to die. Heat stroke? That's my guess.
My sister, our daughters and myself went to camp to have dinner with the parents yesterday. Came home w/ a nasty little blood sucking wood tick on me. Little bastard!!! There is nothing I hate worse (ok, I'm sure I could think of a few things) than those creepy crawly, blood sucking, fuckers! If you've ever had one on you then you know what I mean. I hate them. I pulled them off of my daughter last year but I've been really lucky and normally don't get them. As soon as we got into the house we both stripped down and made sure there wasn't any more crawling around. YUK!!! I called to warn my sister to check her and her daughter out and she called back a few hours later saying she'd just found one. Oh just talking about them is making me itch.
To answer Mike's comment on the last post, not sure if I'm off the market or not. I'd rather not label it right now. We enjoy each others company and he makes me feel really special. I can't remember a time someone said such genunielly nice things to me without trying to get inside my pants. I look at him and I know that he means each and every word he says whole heartedly. I guess he's chased me for 3 years so he better mean what he says! :) On the other hand we come from somewhat different social circles so you never know when/if that will come into play. I guess time will tell. No expectations. Living in the moment.
The snow is finally gone, the birds are back and the leaves are finally starting to come out. Thank God! I can only hope we'll have a summer like we did last year. We were on the boat so much it was great!!! Even the lake was warm and that right there says a lot!
I've done nothing to the house. I'm too tired. I really should go home and at least finish painting the living room but I just have no ambition to do it. S's room is pretty much done. Looks cute. Once it's actually all put together I'll have to post some before and after pics. I am just really ready for the living room to get done so I can hang up pics and eliminate some boxes and get them out of the way. Slowly.... very slowly it's getting done. At least I half ass cleaned off the porch. I did email someone today to see if they want the wooden junk off of there so they can burn it. Bon fires are always fun. I'm going to load the rest of it in my car and haul it to St Vinny's one of these days. Our Vinny's here has horrible hours. They're only open till 4-430p every day, which sucks since I don't get off work till 430p, I think they may have very slight Sat hours and then are closed on Sundays. They also forbid people dropping things off after hours due to people stealing. Well, I've had this crap on my porch for how long because they're hours suck. It's either going this week or getting trashed. One or the other.
Only about an hour to go. I'm freaking tired. I'd like to go home and paint but I have no clean clothes for either of us for tomorrow. I really need my washer and dryer hooked up SOON as trips to the laundrymat are getting old fast!!!
Thursday, April 06, 2006
As my world turnsWell the past couple of weeks I've learned that you should never judge a book by it's cover and also, even though I try to be VERY open minded and not stereotype-- I do.
I've always said that I'd never date anyone younger than me because they're, for the most part, immature and I just can't deal with that. I need to have someone with some ambition in their life and want things for themself. Most of the time, especially around here, I find that most of the single men, especially the young ones, are bar flies. I hate that more than you can even imagine. I mean, is that what they look forward to all week? Going to the bar on Friday and Saturday nights and getting sloshed!? Now I do admit, I like to go out occasionally. Who doesn't? I just can't see doing it each and every weekend. My partying days like that have been over for at least 5 years. Turned 21, got a couple good years out of it, became a mom and poof! All done. Anyway, so for, oh geez, maybe 4 1/2 years my sisters friend has been trying to get her to set me up with him. Never gonna happen. He's almost 4 years younger than me, has no kids, etc... Knowing that alone made me want to stay away from him. I'm not going to start dating someone and then end up in a pissing match some years down the road about him wanting kids. Well anyway, of course I flirt with the guy whenever I see him... Just because I can. Cruel and heartless I know. We were at the bar one night and he was quite lit. He came up to me and just started telling me everything he thought. Everything about me. Things that I NEVER in a million years thought I'd hear out of his mouth because he's so shy. I was floored. We talked for a bit that night but I didn't think anything of it to be honest, other than how nice it was to know that someone actually looked at me the way he does.
Well I got a bit tipsy at an event a while back and ended up doing things that I probably shouldn't have. Although I'll have to admit that his mom and his sister were both there that night and I told both of them why I'd never date him. Flat out, plain and simple with no sugar coating what so ever. Every single reason I had. I ended up telling him the same thing later that night. Ok, fast forward a few weeks. I see him again at the wedding, it's very awkward but I'm stuck on the fact that he's young and childless etc... He is extremely shy so I knew he'd never come up and talk to me so I took the initiative and talked to him first. Everything was ok. We talked and flirted all night....
Ok, so after the first event he'd called me and I'd talked to him briefly, more or less blew him off to be honest. I just thought here's this quiet guy who I have nothing in common with what so ever, why in the world would I do this to him? Well all I can say is that over the past couple of weeks (after the wedding) we've talked quite a bit and I've gotten to know him as a person. He is so night and day compared to how I thought he was. He actually talks, he has a good job, he loves his family and is very family oriented. He doesn't live at home, which is a plus. He actually took off from here after he graduated and was gone for about 5 years maybe. That right there goes to show me that he's not afraid of change. So many people from here refuse to leave. They're too scared... I guess I'll have to update you more later...
On the flip side of things. The weather is finally getting better. It was about 60 and sunny yesterday. Today I haven't been out but it looks like it's probably about the same. Hell, I'm just happy that spring is finally here!!!!!
More later.
