Just Another Bend In Journey of Life
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
More pics. F'n blogger
Ok, I'm having issue's w/ these pics uploading. These are a few random pics from a couple weekends ago of my neice, daughter, daughter & BT, one pic from before the street dance and I have no idea what else :) ...
Pics from last weekend!Here are a couple of pics from Great America last weekend (yes I realize I'm REALLY behind!!!) The other little girl w/ S was waiting in line with her for a ride. The next thing I know they're holding hands and going on the ride together. They got off and S asked me if she could go on the boat ride and of course I said sure, so she grabbed the other little girls hand and off they went. They probably went on around 5 rides together. It was truely priceless. The fish is from the Bass Pro Shop. I just like the way it turned out. :)
Friday, June 23, 2006
My weekend nothings...I really have nothing to be honest. We're having a company golf outing after work today. I don't golf so I'm the designated *beer girl*. Whoo hooo!!!! Hopefully I'll get some snazzy pics too! We'll see.
Tomorrow I may head to see my friend Angie who is in town and we may have a night out since I haven't seen her in a while. I guess it'll all depend on how I'm feeling tomorrow! Being a beer girl is a rough job! :) Hahaha!!!
Later gators!
PS--See, I told you I had nothing! :)
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
I'm backWell after a fairly long weekend we got back late Sunday evening. I guess the weekend went by kind of quick, it was the good-bye with S that I was dreading. I really don't know what to do without her. I'm used to being a mom. In fact, I don't think I know any other way anymore. She's my sidekick. I'm used to having her there, getting her up in the mornings, brushing her long dark hair, feeding her, arguing over what outfit she's going to wear, picking her up and spending the evenings with her. Now my evenings are free to do whatever I please, but I find myself kind of lost, like I'm really not sure what I should do. Granted that I haven't exactly sat at home. I have plenty of little kids surrounding me to keep my occupied and help my "kid fix" when I need one. I helped BT's neice yesterday go on the potty twice and remembered back to when S was potty training and how proud they are of themselves. It was cute, she didn't want Mommy or Daddy to take her, she wanted me. I had to smile and chuckle to myself a little bit. Still doens't make me want another one of my own. I'm content on borrowing others! :) Like I explained to someone the other day, if I could skip the morning sickness and the last month and a half and give birth to a 3 year old (not in the literal sense-- OUCH!) I'd do it. I'm just not ready to haul diaper bags and all that crap all over the place again. S is so easy now. She can feed herself, tell me what she wants, dress herself. I mean, how great! The thought of getting fat and having another baby just makes me shiver. And I do know that I'd get along just fine. It's just that I'm very content with my life right now. Am I really willing to start over one day? I guess time will tell. For now however, I'm very happy borrowing other people's kids and then giving them back!!! :)
Sunday night I'd decided that I'd go into work for a little while on Monday to make sure I had all of my stuff done since it was our billing cut off. At 204am my phone rings, I see the name on the caller id so I answer thinking something is wrong. "Hello?", which was recieved with "Do you have any breath mints?" (toothpaste, whatever it was. It was 2am and I was groggy to begin with, "WHAT" I say extremely preturbed, again I hear "Do you have any breath mints? (giggle giggle giggle)", now I'm pissed "Who is this?" "Do you have any breath mints?" I finally hung up. Pissed right off that these kids are calling me on a Sunday night at 2am. Had it been a Friday or Sat, fine. But I knew I was getting up to go into work early. Ugh! So I get to work yesterday and call up a friend of mine that I used to work with that has the same last name that showed up on my caller id and ask if this woman is her sister in law. Yep. The 11 year old girls were having a sleep-over in a tent in the back yard and they'd gone to her house to ask if he daughter wanted to stay with them. Thank God she didn't! Now I did laugh about this yesterday. I admit that it was funny and ALL of us have made a prank call. And I have to give them credit, at least it was tasteful and not perverted, and they stayed right on track with "do you have breath mints?", instead of trying to have a conversation with me which would have just pissed me off even more at the time! Back when we did it, there was no caller id. At least not in this neck of the woods (hell, I still remember when my Aunt had a party line!!!). I don't ever remember calling people at 2am. It may have been 10pm but never that late/early in the morning. Anyway, next thing I know I'm at work and I get a phone call. "Hello." "Hi, this is ____, I'm really sorry for calling you last night". (Trying not to laugh) I told her that it was actually funny today but last night when I had to get up for work today, it was not funny at all. Complete silence on the line...... "Well thank you for calling and apoligizing, I really do appreciate it". "You're welcome". So I called my ex co-worker again and told her that the girl had called me. I did admit that it was funny but had it been S doing it at 2am I'd have been PISSED!!! I didn't know how many other people these girls called at 2am or Godforbid, after that time (it did sound like they were having a great time). The phone showed up with her mom's name on it so I figured the girls must've gone inside and stole her moms cell phone but come to find out, she has her own. At 11 years old!? Are you kidding me!? Wow! How times have changed. Anyway, I was also telling my ex-worker that I had no idea who this girls mom was, where does she work? She was one of the kindergarten aides!!! Hahahaha!!!! That just made it *that* much more funny!!! I know EXACTLY who her mom is. She was in the classroom across the hall from S. I can't wait till I see her!
Had a good time this weekend. (Yes I do relize I'm all over the place and almost going backwards.) We left early Friday morning, stopped at the hotel. There were no rooms ready for us yet so we just got our butts in gear and headed to Six Flags. We had a great time!!! S loved every single minute of it! In fact she wanted to go back the next day but unfortunately she had to go to her dad's. I told her that maybe I'll take her when I pick her up in August but we'll have to see where my funding is at that point in time. Anyway, took her on some kiddie rides and then one of the smaller roller coasters where she sat in front of me between my legs. Dumbass me forgot that the coaster goes into a dark tunnel, she was so freaking scared!!! She was screaming and had tears streaming down her face when the ride was over. Oh you cannot imagine how bad I felt!!! Poor thing and mean ol' Mommy!!! After that we went to the water park and had a great time there. Went down a couple of water slides and all around on the kiddie thing-a-ma-bobber as well as the wave pool. It was a really good time. After that we went back to the park and walked around some more. We were in the Nick. part and S was waiting in line to go on some Flinstone ferris wheel type thing. There was a group of kids waiting to get on and next thing I know, S is holding hands w/ another little girl and they got on the ride together. It was so cute. The got off of that one and S askes if she can go on another ride, and away they went holding hands again. I had to take some pics. They were too cute not to. :)
I know I've been lacking in the pic dept. I'll get on that maybe later when I get home! :)
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Huh?All I can say is *nice*...
| The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy |
 In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh. You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum. Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho |
Let's just say this BETTER not be true!!! The only way I can see packing on 30+ lbs is if I get knocked up and I don't see that happening anytime soon! (God! I hope not!!!)
| You Should Weigh 141 |
 If you weigh less than this, you either have a fast metabolism or are about to gain weight. If you weigh more than this, you may be losing a few pounds soon! |
So anyway, I've been so occupied for a week that I haven't even had a chance to get on here and say anything. Or is it that I just have nothing to say?! HAHA! Who am I kidding?! I *ALWAYS* have something to say!!!
Went to the festival downtown both Sat and Sunday. That was fun. S had a blast. They had some of those bouncy things for the kids to play in and a rock wall that she climbed like 3-4 times (I think she's 1/2 monkey!), free cotton candy and popcorn. It was really nice and about time they bring something like that back here! Saturday was the fishing tournament and the queen judging. I won of course. Ok, I'm kidding, but I could have kicked those girls asses if I really wanted to. :) Sat night they had a street dance. It was cold as hell out but who cares!? With enough beer you didn't notice. I got down w/ my bad self and danced on chairs and flower planters. My dad caught me but I made $2! He should be proud!!! :) I told him that I was only trying to make money for S's college education. I'm not sure if he believed me or not... I don't know why he wouldn't, I mean it's not like I'm *ever* sarcastic or anything!!! Sunday they had some fancy-dancy water skiers out in the lake. That didn't go over too well. It was freezing cold by the water (I just checked and the water temp right now is roughly 59.9*). Yes my friends, and you thought YOUR lake was cold!? We'll be lucky if it gets up to 70* by August/ September!!! It has to be one VERY hot day and I have to be miserable to actually go in the water any where above my ankles. Last summer wasn't so bad but I can't remember the last time I actually went *under*. I just can't do it. I remember being a kid and not caring. I don't think I ever realized just how freaking cold it really was. Then again, we didn't care. All we wanted to do was go to the beach and play in the water. It didn't matter that we were on the verge of breaking our teeth from them chattering so much or we could have given Barney a run for his money w/ our purple lips. Augh, I did it again, ok.. back to the story.... So anyway, the water is way nipply as is the wind coming off of the lake on Sunday, not to mention all the little white caps. Yes the skiers would get off to a good start but within 5-10 seconds they were down! That had to have hurt. Not only from the impact of hitting the water but because of the feeling of getting jabbed with icicles. I swear, they better have gotten paid good! After that was done we went up to the BT's aunts house and took all the kids fishing. They had a blast.... when one of them wasn't crying! UGH.
Nothing much to really write about from this week really. S is leaving for 6 weeks on Saturday. Man am I going to miss her!!! I figure I'll be ok for about the first 3 but the last 3 are going to kill me!!! She's my little buddy. My partner in crime. Mi amiga. But I also know that she needs to spend time w/ her dad and brother. I had taken this Friday and next Monday off of work because the plan was to go to the NASCAR race but that's not happening so I think I'm going to leave at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow morning and take her to Great America. I think she's old enough now and will have SUCH a good time!!! I'm just so excited to bring her. I gave the BT the option of going w/ us but who knows?! I'm sure he will but we didn't talk too much to each other last night. I told him to just stay here since he's got Friday off and after the game tonight go to the bar and party w/ the guys and then do whatever the hell he wants this weekend. I have friends in WI that I can stay with. So just freaking go do what you want!!! He knew I meant business and he can't *stand* when I'm upset with him. Well hello!? I'm trying to plan something fun for us to do. We haven't really done anything together, just the two of us, since this whole relationship started. Where the hell are the fun dates? Dinners? Monday night my parents had taken S for the night so they could spend some time with her and because of daycare issues on Tuesday. He came over and stayed with me until his phone rang around 930p. I can hear him say "Ya... ya... uh, I guess I can do that....click". Ok, so I'm thinking someone needs a ride or something. Oh no! They need a 4th person to play a VIDEO GAME!!!!!!!! WTF?! Are you fucking kidding me?! You're ditching me for a gf beater and his buddies to play a fucking video game!? Unbelievable! Where the hell do I rate?! One night alone, no kid, no camp, no softball games and you're ditching me for a video game?! Unreal! Needless to say I was not happy, yet I almost found it funny. I mean, couldn't he have asked me if I minded? Or told them no because he has something else going on? I told him to just leave and I'd give Angie a call and chat away my time w/ her. Then he knew I was upset so he wasn't going to go. OH NO! You HAVE to go now. If he didn't I'd have been pegged the bitch that wouldn't let him go and that was NOT falling back on me. No sir-e-bob! He was only going to be gone for an hour. Uh huh. (He got back an hour and a half later!) Well Angie and I yacked for probably a good 2 1/2-3 hrs and were still on the phone when he got back and I didn't bother hanging up w/ her either. Screw that. I think it was midnight by the time we got off the phone. Me being me, had to give him shit about his VIDEO GAME and come to find out THEY DIDN'T PLAY THE VIDEO GAME!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT!? You ditched me to play video games with the gf beater and his buddies and then you didn't play?! Are you kidding me!? No, they played some outside game. I figured it was hacky sack, might as well have been. He said it was something about a golf ball and string or something. I turned a deaf ear. I think I deserve a good table dancing after that! Yes my friends, this will be held over his head for a while! Because I'm just *that* way.
Anyway, off to Great America tomorrow for sure. Not sure about Sat yet. I hate to get the hotel for 2 nights if he's not coming. Then again, Chicago is my old stomping grounds. I'm sure I could find something to do and someone to see!
Pictures to come....
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Slacking.... againYes I know, I've been slacking! I'm trying to get everything done before S leaves and spend some good QT with her. I sure am going to miss her!!! I promise to try to post tonight!
Hope you're all well!
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Alphabet SoupA - Available: Nope
A - Age: *almost* 29. UGH! I'm staying 29 forever (just so you know)
A - Annoyance: People chewing. Gives me the heeby jeebies.
B - Best Friends: Gretchen, Angie, Becky, Jess
B - Beer: Cold Bud Light
B - Birthday: I HATE my bday. Someone always dies between July 16-24 every year for the past 10 years so we celebrate in June or August.
C - Crush: I have too many to list :)
C - Car: 2000 300M-- LOVE IT!
C - Candy: I like chocolate and Werthers.
D - Day or night: Night.
D - Dream Car: I want a new 300M or a Dodge Charger
D - Dog or cat: either. I have 2 bald pussy's right now but I'd like a dog if I was home enough.
E - Easiest person to talk to: Becky or Angie
E - Eggs: Scrambled or fried with lots of butter so the edges are crunchy but I HATE the yolk so that's always left on my plate.
E - Email: All the time
F - Favorite Month: May... sign of summer, no bugs, Flowers are coming out... And I like Emeralds :)
F - Favorite color: Red
F - Favorite Memories: High school. Not actually being in school but the memories I have of those days. The town hall dances etc... The dumb things we did when we thought we knew it all and realize now that we knew nothing!
G - Gummy bears or worms: As long as they're the sour kind, I don't care.
G - Giver or taker: I'd have to go with giver
G - Gum: Extra, Polar Ice or somethign like that. Its the teal pkg.
H - Hair Color: Dark brown
H - Height: uh, 5'1
H - Happy: Most of the time.
I - Ice Cream: Peanut Butter Mackinaw Island Fudge or Mint Choc Chip
I - Instrument: Skin Flute.
I - Idol: Tough one... Although my "celebrity" idol would be Angelina Jolie. She has it all, beauty, brains, money, family, yet she is UNselfish enough to help those in need and use her money for good things. (Not to mention that she's hot and I'd do her in a second!)
J - Jewelry: A gold necklace that is getting fixed because I broke it, an Aquamarine or Blue Topaz pendant that a friend got from Aruba for me, a gold dolphin bracelet that I haven't taken off in probably 7 years, a small ruby ring that has sentimental value- I got it from dear friends when I was 16, an emerald ring that I got from an ex bf but I love it too much to let it sit in a jewelry box, and a ruby and diamond ring that I got from a different ex. :) I'm a jewelry whore!
J - Job: Love it but I miss flying every single day!
J - Juice: Uh, only if it's a strawberry daquari or something.. lemonade?
K - Kids: One almost 6 year old girly girl
K - Best kisser: Reg
K - Kindergarten: I rode the short bus... only because we had a small class!
L - Longest Car Ride: MI to VA and back
L - Longest relationship: 3 years on and off
L - Last Kiss: Hmmm... around 5am?
M - MILK FLAVOR: white
M - Most missed person(s): Jason, I wonder what his life would be like today.
M - Movie Last Watched: Don't know the name, something w/ Steven Segal-- I had insomnia.
N - Number of Siblings: One sister
N - Number of Tattoos: 1 but I'm dying to get another
N - Name: I'm sure I've been called many!
O - ONE WISH: That I could get on with my life without and interferences
O - One Phobia: Spiders
O - One regret: There are some things I'd do differently
P - Pet Peeves: Again, people chewing in my ear, especially on the phone
P - Part of your appearance you like best: Eyes
P - Part of your personality you like best: I get along with just about anyone and I've learned to not give a shit about the small stuff or about people that gossip and have no effect on my life.
Q - Quick or Slow: Fast talker yet I'm rarely on time.
R - Reason to smile: I'm alive
R - Reality TV Show: Idol or My Fair Brady (Corny, I know!)
R - Reasons to cry: My daughter is growing up too quickly
S - Song Last Heard: Right now- Gwen Stefani-Hollaback Girl, last song Rhianna-Unfaithful
S - Season: Summer
S - Shoe: 5-6
T - Time you woke: 7:35am-- made it to work only 10 min late!
T - Time Now: 1016am
T - Time for bed: When I get there. My insomnia is kicking in again.
U - U love someone: I love many.
U - Unpredictable: Most of the time.
V - Vegetable you hate: Brussel Sprouts.
V - Vegetable you love: Carrots
V - Vacation spot: Anywhere hot and sunny, near the ocean where I have sand in the crack of my ass
W- Worst Habits: Talking too much
W- Where are you going to travel next?: Milwaukee on June 17 and then hopefully somewhere fun!
W- Weather right now: icky
X - X-Rays: Uh... my teeth for sure. Oh no, I had to get one to work at the hospital.
X - X-Rated Porn: Isn't all porn x-rated?! Love it!
Y - Year you were born: 1977
Y - Year it is now: 2006
Y - Yellow: daffodils
Z - Zoo Animal: Black Panther or Lions
Z - Zodiac: Cancer
Monday, June 05, 2006
Get to know your friendsOMG! It's Monday. Yuk! It's supposed to be like 90 out and I'm going to be sitting at work staring out my window. That really sucks!
I get these ALL the time from people. Today I figured why not post it here?! :)
This is what you are supposed to do, so try not to be lame and spoil the>fun! Just give in and do it.
Copy not forward, this entire email and paste it into new email. Change all
the answers so that they apply to you then send this to a whole bunch of
people you know including the person who sent it to you. Put your name on the subject.
The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your
friends. It is fun and easy 50 questions to answer. try it, this can be fun
and interesting.
1.FIRST NAME- Sarah
2.ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE- Not the first name but I my middle was after my gma and my mom.
3.WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY- A couple weeks ago I think.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITTING- Some days I guess
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT- Salami, turkey or ham-- depends on my mood.
6. KIDS- 1-- Stella Mia
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU- I'd like to think so.
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL- Sure do.
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? NO!
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS- I do believe I do
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP- Tough call there. I'm terribly afraid of heights... I'd like to do it just so say I did it, although I don't know if I could do it hanging by my feet. Maybe in one of those chairs or slings I'd be ok.
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL- Again, depends on the mood
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF- I don't think I own a pair of shoes that tie! Oh wait, yes I do and no, I don't think I untie them.
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Strong minded and willed.
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM --Peanut Butter Mackinac Island Fudge
16. SHOE SIZE- 5-6
17. RED OR PINK- red
18.WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF- physically- my arms. Otherwise I tend to talk too much and then feel dumb about it later.
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST- Jason, unbelievable we're coming up on 6 freaking years!
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU - If you want
21.WHAT COLOR OF PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW? Red capris, no shoes-- they're under my desk though and *if* I was wearing them, they'd be black slides
23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW- My co-worker typing, the guys that are re-roofing pounding on the roof and Sirius--"Yellowcard, Rough Landing Holly". Can't say that I'm very fond of this song.
24. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE - Red
25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL- Bakery of any sort, Vanilla, and Victoria Secret's Love Spell.
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO- They're eyes-- after all, they are the windows to the soul.
28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU- Hell no, she's a skank! :) Just kidding Medusa-- I love ya.
30. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT- Toss up between NASCAR and Hockey!!!
31. HAIR COLOR- shit brown
32. EYE COLOR- shit brown (fitting though isn't it!?)
33 DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS -um no. I have glasses that I use to read but contacts drive me NUTS!!! I'd suck it up if I could get colored ones but I can't because of my astigmatism (sp?) so screw it! I can see good enough!
34. FAVORITE FOOD - Italian
35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING- Happy ending
36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED- No clue, something w/ Steven Segal. Why? I have no clue. It was 230am
37. COLOR SHIRT YOU ARE WEARING- White tank
38. WINTER OR SUMMER--SUMMER by far!!!!!
39. HUGS OR KISSES- Depends on the person
40. FAVORITE DESSERT- Tiramisu
41. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND - no clue
42. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND- no clue
43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING - People magazine every week (gotta check up on the gossip!) and I'm just starting a new book about Scott Peterson that is like 400 pages.
44. WHAT"S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD- Don't have one
45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT - Hmmm.... Something about luxury yahts and then My Fair Brady. I know, but I love that show!
46. FAVORITE SOUNDS- My daughters *belly* laugh
47. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES- Toss up but if I didn't say the Beatles my mom would kill me. Besides I'm pretty sure I know all of their songs. Yellow Submarine Shannon??? :)
48. THE FURTHEST YOU BEEN FROM HOME- Acapulco
49. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT--Hahaha!!! I can't tell ya!
50. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN--July 19, Annapolis, MD
Saturday, June 03, 2006
TodayWhy I'm posting in the morning is beyond me because I never do. Well, maybe if I'm at work but otherwise, it's very unusual. Go figure.
Today I'm dropping Stella off at her cousin's and running to WalMart. Yes, this is more of an ordeal than it sounds like. It's roughly a 35 minute drive from here. We're talking straight driving. No stop signs, stop lights etc... Yes I live in the middle of no where and at times it sure does suck. About all we have here is a Family Dollar, couple of Pharmacy/drug stores, 3 hardware stores, a Vet, a grocery store (we used to have 2 but one bought the other out), a bank, credit union... You get the picture. We have virtually nothing. So anyway, I'm keeping her cousin for the night tonight so I'm going to get my crap done today and get some things for them to keep them occupied. I wanted to get S a trampoline but that seems kind of pointless since she's only going to be around for another week or so (I have a feeling it'll be longer as I haven't heard from her dad since I asked about the tickets and that was oh, 3 days ago I think!). I did buy a badmitton (sp?) set last week that we've been playing around with w/o the net. I'll probably set that up today and let them play and plop my ass right outside in the sun and cancerize myself a bit. God! I love summer!!! They requested silly string and cotton candy. What the hell!? They're only young once right? My yard is going to be covered but I know they'll have so much fun! We've also go the sprinkler and the slip and slide for today and the hot tub for tonight! :) I love that thing!!!
Ok, have to go water my hanging baskets before it gets too hot out. I should get some more flowers to plant today too....
Ta ta for now!
Friday, June 02, 2006
Today's QuestionWell the BT and I were having a conversation last night about whatever. For some reason I decided to ask him if he wanted kids of his own someday to which he replied "yes". That is the first time I've gotten that out of him. So I as how many and he replies "2". WTF?! "Biological???" "At least one." Wasn't this one of the reasons that I DIDN'T want to date him in the first place? I'm pretty sure it was and I'm pretty sure I blogged about it because I was so torn about what to do. Even though I KNEW this was going to happen I went with it. I should have just listened to my gut. He's young. He doesn't know what the hell he wants is what I had told myself. He just told me not to worry about the kid thing but I kept telling him that I know that one day he's going to want a child of his own and I'm just not sure that I'm willing to do that. I like my life. I know it sounds selfish but I just really don't think that I want to start over again. My daughter is almost 6 years old. She can feed herself, dress herself, occupy herself etc... She is so independent. I look at my friends with small babies and what they go through and I just don't want that. I don't want to have to haul a ton of shit wherever I go. Not to mention that I live in freaking Siberia so the winters are just horrible, especially to have to bundle kids up.
Here's my way of thinking, hypothetically -- If I date someone for 3 years (only becuase that was how long my last relationship was that I thought was going to last forever), we decide to get married, get married a year later, and then try for a baby... That means when my daughter graduates high school I have one going into kindergarten. No way! I'm just not up for that. Not only that but it's hard enough being a single mother with 1 child, I cannot imagine being a single mother with 2 kids! I'm not saying that's going to happen but I just really, at this point in my life, don't want anymore. Too much time has gone by and I like my life and the freedom that I have. Selfish? Maybe. But this was one of the reasons I told him way back in Feb that I'd never get into a relationship with him-- because I knew that one day he'd want a child of his own. And I was right. I'd told him that even though he may not want one right this very minute, eventually he'll change his mind and will want a child and then we're in this relationship and then it's going to turn into a big ass pissing match down the road. All I can say is that I should've went with my gut in the first place. No matter how I feel about him today. I feel that it would have saved heartache down the road.
See, had everything worked out with my ex-boyfriend (not S's dad), the one that I thought was "the one" and was with on and off for 3 years, I'd have had 3 more kids without blinking an eye. But when we broke up, I realized that I am just getting too old and too comfortable with my life to start over again. I don't WANT to start over again. I like my life and the way that it is right now. Sure, I miss the days that S was a little tiny baby and would fall asleep on my chest. I miss looking at my little baby in pure amazement that I had made her, that I was capable of creating something so sweet and precious. I remember coming to the realization that I finally understood the true meaning of unconditional love. I had a new found respect for my mom. Everything in life just made sense. I love that little girl with every ounce of my being. I truely do. But if I have another child in a few years, there will be such an age difference that they won't even really know each other. They will probably never be close. Not only that. I don't want to get fat again. Because I'm so short, even 5-10 lbs is noticable on me. When I was preg w/ S, I gained 45 lbs. My waist was 60" around. I kid you not!!! I had toxemia/preclampsyia. I had to take that damn diabetes test 3 times, after the 3 hr I thought I was going to die. Luckily I didn't end up with that. I was on bed rest. It was not fun. I ended up having her 2 weeks early because my blood pressure was so high and I thought I was going to die. Literally. I was in pain. I wouldn't dialate so they broke my water after deciding I was not able to go home, tried inducing me around 1p... Keep in mind I went in at 8am. They kept re-doing blood tests, and finally around 11p when my platelet and kidney levels dropped they decided that I had to have a c-section otherwise I wasn't going to clot if they let me keep going. Gave me an epidural and that didn't work. I could still feel one side of my body. Take that out and gave me a spinal. What a freaking joy that was!!! So at 0516 my precious little girl was born. The Dr (whom I really loved) took her out of me and says "OH! You've had cryosurgery, no wonder why you wouldn't dialate!" No shit lady! I told you this 9 months ago!!! So, at least now, should I choose to have any more children, I know it'll be an automatic c-section instead of the bullshit I went through last time, which is nice. Honestly, I loved being pregnant after the morning sickness and before the time I had to wear a belly belt because my stomach was so huge and I was swollen every where. (Although I do have to admit-- I LOVED the boobs!!!) If I could have a baby and have it be a 3 year old and potty trained, I'd probably do it again. It's the in between stage I'm not crazy about. :)
So where do I go from here? Do I stay with him and hope that we can work this out later and hope that in the future one of us changes our minds? Or do I let go of him and walk away now and save both of us the heartache that will eventually happen down the road?
Geez, every time I think it's going to be a short and sweet post I end up writing a book. Sorry.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Kindergarten graduation & Some other randoms
My new addiction & SiriusOk, I admit it. I am now addicted to myspace. Yes sir-eeee-bob. The chick that was NEVER going to post anything on myspace now has a profile, pictures and 15 friends. Being a cops daughter I've ALWAYS been overly cautious of who I talk to or what I do etc... I've heard absolute horror stories about it and people stealing identitys and stalking etc... Ok, well I've decided that if you don't give out too much info and talk to creeps that you don't know, you should be ok. :) lol. Well in the past couple of days I have found people that I've gone to school with and flight attendants that I used to work with etc.. How much fun is that?! I'm telling you. I am one of those people that LOVES to keep in touch with anyone and everyone. A good friend of mine is just amazed that I know where 3/4 of our classmates from high school are. (Keep in mind there were like only 80 of us.) Granted that I did plan our reunion. I just wanted to see everyone and see what they've been up to etc since I'd seen them last. So anyway, now I have a few more to keep in touch with. Pretty freaking cool if you ask me!!!
Sirius has ROYALLY pissed me off lately. What is up with those fuckers?! Assholes! Anyway, I got Sirius for myself and another for my mom last Mother's Day. Figured it be a great present. Well I will admit, I'm a procrastinater. Really really bad. I was supposed to mail in the boxes to get my $50 per unit rebates. Ok, I admit. I mailed it like a day or two late so I half ass didnt' expect to get either of the rebates. That was an error on my part. They sent me a letter and told me that I'd been denied blah blah blah. Oh whatever. My fault anyway so there's no sense bitching about it. So I have no problems with them for months and then the receiver I'd bought started shitting the bed. It wouldn't stay connected all the time and would constantly "re-set" itself and beep and was just plan annoying so I called them and they said that they'd send me a new receiver and when I get it I had 30 days to send mine back. I'm smart so I sent it via UPS with a tracking number. This was in oh, maybe Feb or March. I got the new unit, plugged it in, it was all a go. Sent the old one back maybe a day or two later. So on 19May06 I'm checking my online banking and I see the fuckers took $79.99 out of my account!? WTF?! I'd sent the unit back a MONTH prior! WTF?! I get on the phone and talk to some guy that says that he sees that I've returned the unit and that they recieved it at the warehouse but for some reason they haven't received it in the return dept or something like that and there's nothign that he can do w/o a tracking number. I think this was on a Friday or maybe Saturday morning so there was nothing he was going to be able to do till Monday anyway so I sat on it and called as soon as I got to work on Monday. I get a chick this time. Her name was Narika or something similar to it. Very nice lady. Now keep in mind that I KNOW it's not their fault this happened, they just happened to be the one that's hired to "solve" problems and complaints. Anyway, I talk to her and she says that it was received etc... and that she'll send the refund through and I should get it in 3-4 business days. Well I'm not trying to be a bitch but come on! I'm a single mother and $80 is a lot of money to me!!! Keep in mind this was MAY 19. I give them the benefit of the doubt due to Memorial Day etc... Check my account today and it's STILL not there. WTF?! So I call back and get the name chick--Narika and go over my whole schpeel again. She pulls up my info and remembers me. Thank God! I explain to her that I STILL haven't gotten my refund. She apologizes and tells me that they go through Verisign to do refunds and what not and they've been down. Should be back up today sometime. So I ask "I have to wait ANOTHER 3-4 days!?" She was sorry yadda yadda yadda... Now I do understand it's not her fault and I try not to be a bitch and told her that I was sorry if I was. But again, I did EVERYTHING that I was supposed to do. The first guy admitted to me that they received it in the warehouse. Now I do understand that it's not her fault or even Sirius' fault that Verisign went down but come on! I mean, could they not call me and ask if I'd like a live check sent to me that I can cash and put back into my checking account? Are they going to pay for anything that may bounce? I mean, they expect me to pay my bill to them on time yet, they don't have enough deciency to call me and tell me what's going on when I've been waiting for 2 freaking weeks for my money?! Nice. I have 3 receivers under my name that I pay them for. Come on! Fuckers! It's too bad that I really like them or I'd just cancel and go to XM but NASCAR is coming in 2007 and they already have hockey so I can't cancel. Granted that I don't listen to them very often but once in a while I have to check the scores. Oh, and can't forget that they have the Playboy channell. I can't give that up! I'm learning WAY too much! :)
Moral of this story-- They suck. I'm pissed. And SOMEONE is going to get a letter and I better get something out of it!!! :) Hell hath no fury like Sarah scorned.
