Just Another Bend In Journey of Life
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
I did it!!!Ok, I just amazed myself. I actually sat down and changed the look of my blog. Imagine that?! Now the only thing I have left to figure out is how in the hell to link other people???? HELP!!!!
So what's new in my life? Lets see.... I haven't talked to BT since Monday. He called me at work on his lunch break wondering what was going on... Uh, WTF is wrong w/ this picture? Lets back up to Friday. After I got off of work I stopped at my sisters to pick up my daughter. I left my cell in the car and apparently he tried calling. Oops. Ok, so he pulls into the driveway and is asking what we have planned. Well my daughter was supposed to stay at a friends house on Sat night but they're plans changed so she wanted her to stay there on Friday instead. She didn't want to do that (she says she's not ready to be away from me yet... understandable), so I told her that if she wanted her cousin to spend the night that was ok with me. So that's what we planned on doing. In the meantime while BT was outside my cousin called me at my sisters house wondering what was going on and wanted me to stop up and have a beer and let the girls play. I explained to him that I didn't know what was going on yet. He wanted to take a ride... well then go. I mean, why NOW is he asking me to do something?! He kept saying that he just wanted to spend time with me. Uh pal, you just HAD 6 weeks to do something with me and you fucking blew it. What do you want me to do about it now? This is MY time to spend with my daughter that has been gone for 6 weeks. My world now revolves around her again and I'd have it no other way. Well, he was all concerned about my cousin and I going out if S stayed the night at her friends. I had NO intention on going out at all that night. Anyway, like I explained to him, why now is he asking to spend time with me? Why now 5 months into the relationship???? Fucked up if you ask me!!! I mean, anyone that has kids or even dates a single parent would kill for a day alone to do something. But no, he couldn't do that, he had to wait until she got home to finally decide to spend time with me. Well you know what? Now I'm busy. Now I'm doing the things that *I* want to do. Fuck you. I mean, I waited around thinking that when she was gone, that would be our time to do things together and spend time together. Makes sense to me. Now I understand that he had softball 2 days a week and spends one night a week at camp w/ his dad and the other guys, but what about the other 4 days of the week? Where was my day? Where did I fit in? Pretty sad that in 6 weeks I can count on ONE hand how many times we did something. Seriously people. Even I know that I deserve more than that!!! I deserve someone that actually wants to be with me and not 5 months into the relationship. I explained to him many times how my life was going to drastically change when she came home. He should have known that, he was with me for what? 3.5 months before she even left? Whatever. So anyway, he took off, asked me to call him later and I went to my cousins house. I got home around 10ish and checked my vm. There was a message from my Aunt saying that my Grandpa was in the hospital again. (Every year.) So I called my cousin back to let her know then called my Aunt to find out what was going on. She filled me in, called my cousin back and by the time I called him it was probably 1130p. I got the vm and left a message that I was going to the hospital in the morning when we got up to see my gpa and then going to the fair. The point is-- at least I attempted to call, no matter what time it was. So Saturday we went to the fair and then had a few beers afterwards. S's cousin stayed the night and we got back late. I called him again and again left a message. Sunday rolls around and the girls and I played outside and then I did some housework that *so* had to be done. Dropped the girls off to play at my cousins for a while, came home so I could do some more stuff, picked S back up and was back home by probably 630p. Never did I hear from him once all weekend. So when he called on Monday and asked what was going on..... WTF?! I mean, he gets in these moods (for lack of a better word) if he's pissed about something and then I dont' hear from him for like 2-3 days. I explained to him that I hadn't heard from him since Friday so why NOW is he calling me? Well he gave me the speel that I was leaving early Sat etc... I was sitting on the porch that morning and saw him ride by. He didn't stop nor did he call. He said that he did see my car home. And he saw it home on Sunday when he rode by again. That's just fucked right up. I mean, you physically see my car home and you dont' even call me?! He couldn't have called to see how my Grandpa was or what was wrong with him???? That's not right. Not right at all as far as I'm concerned. Then again, he is not me either I guess. So apparently on Monday he wanted to know what was up. I told him, very frankly, to go find an 18 year old party girl that still lives at home with mom and dad and can do whatever the hell she wants. He is in no way, shape or form ready for someone with kids or a family. If he is, he sure has a funny way of showing it. I'm done. I can't do it anymore. It's just dumb. He can be a really great guy and has potential but..... call me in 10 years. I don't doubt his feelings for me but I just can't do it like it is anymore. Sure I miss him but I know that this is the right decision for me. Like Composer said in a post the other day... I deserve more.
In other news. S rode her bike w/o training wheels the other day. Yes I realize that this should have happened sooner but it didn't help that while she was gone for 6 weeks her dad had her riding a TRICYCLE because his ass is too cheap to even go to the local thrift shop and find her a bike. Fucker. I hate him. She's riding it like a champ now though. She's so proud of herself and I am very, very proud of her.
School starts on Tuesday. We stopped up there last night and she has every.single. bad child in her grade in her classroom this year. No wait, I lied. One of the trouble-maker girls is in a different room this year. Thank. God. Still, why is she w/ all the bad kids and the "old school" teacher? UGH. It's going to be a tough year, I can see it already. The teacher she has is really strict which is probably why all the "bad" kids are in there. Her little cousin had her last year and keeps telling her that she's mean. I keep telling her to let S form her own opinion of her. Granted she's about 30 years older than all the other teachers in the school and as a result, I'm guessing has a whole different way of teaching. I was going to ask that she be moved but you know what? She's going to come across people in her life, whether it's in school, work or just life in general, that she doesn't get along with or care for and she's going to have to suck it up. We all have to. I can't coddle her forever. She's very adaptable. She'll make it.
She was so excited about riding a 2 wheeler last night that she wanted to call her dad. After she was done talking he starts asking me when I'm moving to VA? Uh, NEVER. He KNEW that I didn't like it out there to begin with and the ONLY reason I went back there was because I was preg and wasn't able to fly anymore. He KNEW that before he even started dating me and we dated for a year before getting engaged and getting pregnant. Why is this a shock now? He claims that's her home because she was born there and I "took " her. WTF ever. He watched me leave. In fact, he HELPED me haul things down the stairs. There was a police dept right across the street. He never called them and told them that I was taking or kidnapping her (a term he's used on a few occasions). But anyway he thinks that she should live there because she was born there. I was born in MD, you don't see me rushing back there. In fact he was born in Argentina, why the fuck doesn't he go back there?! He has NO family in the states besides his children. (A son from a previous marriage.) Like I told him, why doesn't HE move to MI? No, she was born in VA. Then throws at me "How would you feel if you had to grow up without your sister?" Well then MOVE TO MI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dumb fuck. I finally couldn't deal with him anymore so I hung up on him. Childish I know, but I cannot deal with him. He is ALWAYS right. Always. There is never any discussion. Everyone else is wrong. He'd probably argue with God if he ever met him. Or complain that the Red Sea was parted the wrong way. Seriously, he's that bad. So it dawns on me that S has been asking why we can't move to VA etc. So I came back inside (I don't argue around her at all) and asked her if her dad has been telling her to tell me to move to VA? She says that he has. I asked her where SHE wants to live and she tells me that she wants to live here. She said that the only people in her family that don't live here are her dad, brother and a Grandma from a differnet side of the family. Hmmm... The fucker is trying to brain wash her!!!!!!!! God I hate him. I really do. I realize that he bought a brand new townhouse last year and what not but I just bought a house too. Why should I have to give up my family and house for him??? What makes my life so less important that I should have to give everything up? Now I realize that I am the one that moved half way across the country when I left him. But seriously, he knew how much I hated VA. He knew I had no intention on living there forever. In fact, there was a time when we were looking into different airlines that had job openings in differnet states. So WHY is it that I shoud have to pick up and move and take her away from the other part of her family? Now I do understand that every little girl needs her daddy and her brother but why should I have to sacrifice everything? Isn't there compromise here? I asked him that and he said no, that there shouldnt' be any compromise because that's where she was born. Whatever. Jack ass.
Did I tell you I am in the jury pool? Yes people, I am a juror. I can't remember my juror number though. I know, I suck. Anyway, I have had a few dates which have all been pled (is that a word?) out before the actual trial... until last week. The county that I live in we not only have to serve for the courthouse but also for the MAXIMUM SECURITY prison. Yes, Level 5. What a joy that place is. Full of convicts of the worst kind. Child molesters, murderers, etc. You name it they're in there. Thugs. A pool of thugs within the concrete barrier and barb-wire fence that seperates them from the real world. I was scared.to.death to have to go to the prison. I didn't know what to expect at all. I don't know if I thought I was going to be fed by those ass fuckers or what but I wasn't thrilled about having to go. Not in the least. Well, I get there and realize it's not that scary and I can't see the incarsarated idiots that think the world owes them. I was amazed to see the people that were in the jury pool with me. Yes, I'm the cops daughter. The Sheriff's brother was there, another chief's wife, people from the courthouse etc... Of course none of us were going to make it on the jury. Anyway, I spent about 3 hours there and never got called. Thank God. Although I do admit that it would have been interesting to sit through the actual trial. You know, since this prison has been here which has been roughly 15 years now... It really makes you think. Those assholes in there in many ways have more things than you and I have. Granted they don't have the freedom that we have. Yet, my taxpaying dollars are paying for them to have 100% medical coverage of every kind. They can screw someone up the ass in the next cell, get an anal tear and guess who's paying for that medical bill? Yes, you and I are. You, me and all of the older people, Vets etc. that cannot afford to have insurance. Yet the thugs in there that should have NO rights get medication and everything else they want. I used to work in a pharmacy and seen so many of the people that have served our country have to give up prescriptions for their failing health because they cannot afford them yet these assholes can have whatever they want. Tucks for hemmoroids, lotion for scoriosis (sp?) etc... Sad, very sad. They should rot. They shouldn't get any of that. Let them suffer. They're being taken care of because they did something terrible to be in a level 5 prison yet we are paying for it?! Ridiculous. They have books to read and you know what? They can go to school to be Dr's and Lawyers if they want. Ya, they're NEVER going to get out but lets give these low lifes a higher education that *I* cannot afford. Why not? They're never going to use it but lets give them a degree. Why not? Dumb. Someone in the system fucked up somewhere big time as far as I'm concerned. No wonder why there are so many repeat offenders. Why not live there? Yes they live in their little 8x10 cell or whatever it is but they get 3 hot meals a day, exercise, an eduaction, medical attention, and the right to a jury trial for something they did WHILE IN prison. How many of them do you think are actually found not guilty? Not too many. At least I know that since this prosecuter's been here, he hasn't had one come back not guilty. And he's been around a while. Then again, if I was the thug, I'd probably take advantage of it too. Why not get out of your cell for a while and sit in a big room with normal people for a day and a half? Many of the people that got called up to sit in the jury box expressed their feeling on that too. Good for them! They said that they didn't feel that he had a right to a jury trial since they are in there for a reason. Then again, what do they care? Most of them are never getting out and they don't care if they're wasting our money, time etc. That we had to cancel Dr's appts or whatever because of the fear of being held in contempt of court and doing jail time or fines. They don't care. I found out later that the juy took 37 min to come back w/ a guilty verdict. Apparently the guy was in prison for a felony of intent to do bodily harm less than murder and his second felony was intent to do bodily harm on a prison employee. Makes me wonder what else he did. I'm betting he took a plea bargin to get in there in the first place. Waste of life. This is the same prison that made national headlines last year because a prison employee that worked in the kitchen was having a fling w/ a prisoner and her and a female corrections officer LET HIM GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, she drove the food truck and the corrections office just "happened" to leave the door open and hid him in a food cart. They had a parked car waiting for them about a mile away and then fled to WI. They were gone a day and a half. Wow! I bet that was worth it huh? The girlfriend/food service worker wasn't a prison employee so she got off easy. She's still doing prison time but it could have and should have been much worse. She's got a few years in a state prison. She leaves behind a couple of daughters, they're older but still. Probably in their 20's. Now you tell me, what the hell was going through her mind? I mean, did she REALLY think they were going to get away with it?! They would found in a motel in WI. I think she'd dyed her hair. Their pictures were plastered all over. The corrections officer on the other hand has 2 (I think 2) young children at home. Because she was an employee of the state she faced the same term that the prisoner was in prison for, which if I remember right was a life term. She's doing more time than the gf is but still. She's going to miss out on SO much of her childrens lives. She's married. The whole sha-bang. What a dumbass. I mean, did they really think they weren't going to find them? That they were going to get away with it? Whatever. They just screwed themselves and their families for life. The one that was running away with him, was she never going to talk to her daughters again and just live life on the run? If my mom ever did that to me, that'd be it. You're giving your life up for a convict. Unbelievable. There are some majorly fucked up people in this world let me tell ya.
Ya, I'm sure your eyes are falling out by now but I had a lot to say. :) I haven't been on much in the past month so you're getting it all in one lump sum. Sorry about that. (Ok, I'm really not.) Oh, and I know that sometime this week is my 1 year Blogger anniversary I just can't remember the date exactly. Oh well. It's the point that I've (semi) stuck with something for a year now. :) This has lasted longer than most of my relationships for Gods sake!!!! :)
Ok people, you may not hear from me for a while again but I'll try harder to find time even if it's just a minute. :)
Ta ta bitches!
Update-- August 24 was my 1 year anniversary so I guess I'm a week late. On top of that I've realize that I also lost the link to my profile.... So now I need to figure out that and how to change my links... Mike? :)
