Just Another Bend In Journey of Life
Thursday, July 27, 2006
I'm confusedThings between me and BT haven't been the best as of late. My issues are that he never wants to do anything unless it's HIS idea. He doesn't want to go to a neighboring town (about 35 min away) that has a movie theatre, good food etc (things we don't have here) because he's worked 10 hours (We've NEVER been on a "real" date in the 5 mos we've been together). It took me 2 months to return my front doors (they were too big) because he didn't want to drive an hour to get there. He knows that I needed to return them and I don't have a truck, which he does. That's 8 weekends of opportunity... He plays ball on Tues and Thurs and goes to camp to shoot pool on Wednesdays with his dad, uncle, cousin and who ever else shows up there. He's usually back by 8p on Wed and 9-10p Mon & Wed. I never bitch about it as this is what he normally does. It's his "thing" and I'm ok with that. So as we all know, S will be home in a little over a week so I've been busting ass trying to get the house in order so I don't have to do it when she gets back. I have exactly one month to spend with her until school starts.
Monday I'd decided I was going to install the new ceiling fan for the living room. I wanted to do it on Sunday but after being in the truck, picking up doors etc, he didn't want to and told me he'd help on Monday. Well I got home from work and asked him if he wanted to go pick up my new bedroom furniture that I was getting from a co-worker and he didn't so we started tearing the old fan apart. We got it off of the ceiling and the instructions said to use the 2-3" wood screws, only the beam in the ceiling was too high for the screws with the box etc. He was trying to tell me to use different screws and screw them into the holes where the old fan had been, only I didn't really understand and I was concerned about the new one, being bigger and heavier than the old. I didn't want to come home to two mutilated cats and chopped up furniture. Anyway, he convinced me to use different screws as the box would hold the fan so I asked what type/size of screws he needed and he just got frustrated throwing his hands up in the air and repeatidly saying "I don't know!" I got frustrated so I told him to just leave me to do it and find something else to do. So he left. As he left he squeeled his tires which ROYALLY pissed me off because I have great neighbors and I don't need that shit going on. He called later that night between 1030-11p and asked what I was doing etc. I'd been finishing up the fan and thanked him for calling me back earlier as I'd called him once about the tires and a second time to see if he'd stop and make sure I hung the fan w/ the right screws and I never heard back from him. His phone must have died. I waited for an hour to hear back from him or for him to come over but never did hear from him until the following morning. He stopped over Tues before softball and I had the kitchen torn apart trying to finish painting it. He just sat there. Didn't ask if I needed help--nothing. I wasn't about to ask him to pick up a brush. I'd also called my uncle that said he would come and help me install my doors. We figured that Wed (camp day) would be the coolest day. My uncle was going to call my sister to see if she'd come over and help, which I warned him that she wouldn't. After hanging up w/ him I called her and forwarned her and of couse, she was busy that day. So as I'm bitching about her, do you think that he offered to skip camp to help us? Nope. I finally got a hold of my mom and she said that my dad would come in early before he had to go to work to help out. Well those plans got all screwed up because my uncle hurt his leg at work etc... So last night I did nothing. He'd asked what I was going to do before he left to go to camp and I told him probably the same thing I do everyday--nothing. He got back around 8p and then his sister and neice stopped by and we sat outside for a while and that was about it. I have a set of tires & rims that were left in my backyard from the previous owner from his Camaro so I figured I might as well try to sell them, so I was researching the net on how much they went for etc. It's hot out and hot in the house and he wants me to go snuggle on the couch with him. Uh no. It's hot. Of course he got upset. Whatever. I need this money so I can buy S some new school clothes.
So he calls a little while ago on his lunch break asking what I'm doing--working. Then asks what's going on after work but then remembered that I am installing the doors tonight since it got cancelled last night. (Again, didnt' offer to help.) I told him on Sat morning my cousin and I are going rummage saling at 9am. I asked if he wanted to go to my other cousins hubbys surprise bday party and he said he didn't know. (Because he knows no one besides me and my cousin but won't TRY to get to know anyone either.) But said that he was sure I'm going, which I haven't really decided yet as I just found out about it yesterday when he got home from work. Then said somethign to the effect of "sure, go do something w/o me!" WHAT THE FUCK?! I have done NOTHING since S has been gone and this is my LAST weekend to do something. I was supposed to go to my other cousins last sat after I got done hanging the new kitchen light. He was at camp and got back early, what did I do? Ditched my cousin so I could spend time w/ him. He didn't want to go there because again, he didn't know anyone. Now he's going to be pissed off because I'm going rummage saling at 9am? He's not even awake at 9am! What did I do wrong there? And the funny thing is that it sounds like he's controlling and he's not. I'm just baffled.
This is the way that *I* look at it. It's ok for me to do things when he has something to do. When it's on his terms and now that I've made plans of my own he's upset. What am I supposed to do? See, this is where me and his stalker ex differ. She doted on him hand and foot. He treated her like shit because he could get away with it. He tells me that he's spent more time w/ me in 5 months then he did w/ her in 5 years. Whatever. I don't put up with shit whereas she was afraid to fart wrong. Or probably fart at all for that matter. So, my way of thinking is that why can't I do my own thing? He's had a month or so to do things with me and hasn't really taken the opportunity so why shouldn't I do my own thing? It's my last weekend and I feel that I'm entitled. I'm so fucking over this it's not even funny.
Why is it that I can NEVER find someone that is compatable with me? I mean, I know I live in small area and I'm limited but my God! Am I that bad of a person that no quality guy wants me or what? I'm gonna be 60 years old, still living in my itty bitty house w/ 5 cats. I can already see it.
The sad thing is that this makes me miss my ex terribly.
