Just Another Bend In Journey of Life
Monday, July 02, 2007
BusyI figured w/ Bug gone to her dad's house I'd have time to actually blog. I'm not sure if it's that I havent' had time because I know I'm pissed away a lot of time doing... well nothing really. Maybe it's that I dont have anything to say but who am I kidding there???
We hiked about 5 miles round trip on Father's Day to take my Grandpa to his final resting place. It was a hell of a hike but it felt so great to do it. It's what he wanted. I wasn't sure if I was going to go. Originally it was only supposed to be his sons-- my dad and my uncle hiking to the top of the mountain and then firecrotch insisted that my sister go. Then my uncle's son wanted to go. I was asked to go and declined because I'm "funny" about those kind of things. I wanted to go but didn't want to be a burden since it turned into more people than were originally supposed to go. The night before (Saturday) we had a surprise party for my Uncle. Before I left around 1am they were asking me if I was going and I kept telling them that I didn't know and expressed my concerns. They all kept telling me that I HAD to go. I left for home around 1am or so. While driving home, I decided to take the road that follows the lake. During my ride, my hands are on 10 & 2 o'clock on the steering wheel and Molly (the dog) is laying on her side and cannot touch anything. All of a sudden, my Sirius radio changes from Hits 1 to Playboy Radio. Now I admit this *is* on my preset but there is NO way this could have changed. It's just not possible. I just stared wide eyed at the Sirius in amazement. Next thing I know my heater is blowing air at me so I turn it down, but it will not go down. I shut it off and it finally shut off... for about 3 seconds and turned back on blowing air full force! There is no doubt in my mind that my Grandpa was in that car with me sending me a sign that I HAD to be there. It was the strangest thing, yet the best feeling all at once. That it was important enough to him, where ever he is, to send me a signal that he wanted me there. There is NO possible way that those things could have happened and they haven't happened since then. I drove home that night with a smile on my face and set my alarm. I flew out there as fast as I could after my shower that morning as I knew they were supposed to leave at 8am, however I figured they'd tie a good one on the night before so there was hope that they weren't gone yet. And I was right. I walked in, my mom was sleeping in the loft, my sister was sprawled out on the couch and my dad was sleeping in bed w/the alarm blaring in his ear. My Grandpa was such a fan of Playboy that I just *know* it was him. It was just odd. Love you Grandpa!!!
Bug is still gone. She comes home Thursday and she's not too happy about it. She's upset bc she was here for 6 mos w/o seeing her dad and brother. She'll be here till the 17th and then head back out till Aug 23rd. We'll have a busy weekend. My sister gets married this weekend. So when we get back from our very long day we have to go to the hall to help decorate and then go back again the next day and do it all over again. Busy weekend.
Hard to believe I'm going to be 30 in a couple of weeks. This is *so* not what I pictured my life like at 30. It's not that I'm NOT happy with my life, I've done good for myself with what I have. But those are material things. I wanted to be married and have a family. Not even be married. I really don't care about that, but I wanted the family. I talk to friends that aren't happy w/ their spouses and tell me "Oh be GLAD you're not married", but they don't see me and my life and how completely lonely it can really be. I have no one besides a 6 year old to share things with. I have no one to be intimate with. No one with big strong arms to hug me when I need it or kiss me on the forehead and assure me things will be ok. No one to cook for. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a "bad" life and I don't look at it that way, I just miss having someone "there". It sucks being alone. Even now, I usually find someone to keep me occupied when Bug is gone but I haven't even done that this time. Slim pickin's 'round these here parts.... The ones that I do find--- NOTHING good can come of it. Nothing. End of story. I guess I get that rush from meeting people and flirting, which is great, but at the end of my day, I know I'm going home to a house which contains my dog and 2 bald cats.... Maybe that's why I have so many animals? Who the fuck knows?!
Street dance in town tomorrow. Not "my" town, but the town across the bay this time. It's usually a good time. Supposed to be chilly tomorrow though. Hopefully it'll turn out nice and I'll run into people I haven't seen in forever. That's always nice.
Tomorrow is my last day of work for the week. THANK GOD! It'll be nice to get out of there for a few days, although most of it will be spent getting ready for the wedding. Who'd have thought my baby sister would get married before me? That's just so wrong on so many levels. On the other hand, her fiance in a GREAT guy and I really don't think I could find someone more fitting for her. They have a fairytail of sorts. She eyed him up before he knew it, he was dating someone, they broke up, somehow he asked her out and never left. He's lived with her pretty much ever since. Why can't I find something like that? People say I'm picky, and maybe I am.... I just know what I want in life. I refuse to settle for the sake of not being alone. I'm confident, when the time is right, I'll meet that someone I'm supposed to. Until then, well I guess I'll just be... me. :)
Have you ever heard a song and it brings you back to a different time and place? I have and always do. On a daily basis. Most of them are fun times that help me remember the good ol days. Things I've done, people I've met, places I've been to etc... I'm doing just that right now. Listening to Tonic. Not one song in particular. The entire CD. Well no, I guess there is one song I'm partial to bc of something that was said to me from someone and how much it reminded them of me.... Oh well. We have memories don't we? :)
Alright, I'm outta here. I'll post slideshows later. Remind me if I forget ok? I'm going to go fake bake so I don't look like skimmed milk for the wedding in my butter yellow dress! :)
Later peeps! (That sounded gangster didn't it?! I rock!)
