Just Another Bend In Journey of Life
Monday, January 30, 2006
Repeat of January? FUCK!Well I get to work this morning and get an email asking how old someone "was". Right away I knew something was wrong, that he had died. Of course I was very vague with my return emails until he told me what was going on. Well, come to find out a guy that I'd seen a few times died this morning. He was only 40 years old. 40 years old in November actually. He called 911 this morning around 0530, the ambulance brought him to the hospital and they were going to transport him to a better hospital in another town and he had a massive heart attack. He was the opening rant on my very first post to this blog. I'd met him on a blind date last January. He was WONDERFUL! EVERYTHING I could have asked for. He was charming, sweet, handsome, had a great job and I'm telling you, his house was straight out of Pottery Barn. When he told me that he did everything himself I was floored. I had to make sure he wasn't gay. (Which he wasn't) :) It was the most nicely decorated home I'd ever been in. Everything was perfect. We went out and had a nice dinner. We clicked right away. We talked on the phone nightly. He'd call me at work at the same time every morning. Slowly he became distant. Of couse I thought he'd met someone else and I was heart broken. He later admitted to me that he suffered from depression and it was hard to get out of bed at times. After D and I deciding to break up I'd gone through a bout of it myself and explained to him that I understood what he was going through and how he was feeling and that I'd be patient. Well, that time never came. I did call him in August to tell him that a friend and I were heading to his town for the night and he met us out for a beer and then I did end up going back to his place later that night. Again, he was the same 'ol person that I'd been smitten with 8 months prior. Of course he asked me if I wanted to go to Mackinaw Island with him and that never happened. He said he'd call. Now I know that I should know better because 9/10 when a guy says he'll call, what he really means is "it's been fun but I have no intention on calling you." I've heard it time and again. For some reason I always thought that maybe he did have good intentions but didn't want to burdeon me with his problems. I guess that is something I will never have the answer to. However, I'm sure his last memory of me was not a pleasant one as I was hurt that I never heard from him so I tried calling and left a rather nasty message on his answering machine about following through with things and he's going to be unhappy and miserable for the rest of his life if he keeps doing what he's doing, and no wonder why he hasn't met someone. I'm sure that he understood what I'd meant and I hope that he knew that I only did that because I was hurt. He was the first one since D that I'd really felt a connection with. I'm rather selective as to who I date and there are not many people that pique my interest. I'm sick of the young guys that are just looking for a peice of ass or are into nothing but partying and hanging out at the bar. Older men, in general, have that out of their system and have an idea of what they want out of their lives. And Dan did just that. He and I had talked in depth about what we both wanted, what we were both looking for, and our goals were very much similar. He really did have everything I wanted in a man. I guess I will never know what he really thought of me. I only hope that he didn't die unhappy. I hope that someone was able to bring him a little bit of joy that I guess I was not able to give him. Boy, we sure did have fun. We clicked right away. We went on our first date to a steak house where you cook your own steak. We had so much fun there. We joked around with the "chef" that was overseeing our grilling. We played off of each others jokes and comments. He was as quick witted as I am. It was funny. He made me try artichoke dip, which I thought I would hate but to my surprise I liked very much. He'd tried so hard to get me to go down there and see him. We were supposed to meet in another town but he ended up having to work and asked if I'd come down to his town and if I wasn't comfortable staying at his house he'd put me up in a hotel. Well, I did end up staying. After dinner we rented some movies and sat around and talked. I was supposed to pick up S the next day as she was returning from her dad's house. A snowstorm hit and she didn't end up coming home until the following weekend so he offered for me to stay another night. We got up and went to have breakfast, shopped around for a bit then went to lunch. We went and saw Meet the Fockers. We laughed out asses off. I will forever remember him when I watch that movie. Or the songs on the radio when my giddy self was driving home. When we'd gotten up the next morning he wasn't feeling well, he was getting over a cold so I went to the store to get him some medicine so he'd feel better. Even when I was there in August, we got up in the morning, he showed me where a friend of mine worked and then drove me to get some latte. We chatted a bit and then I left with the same feeling as I'd felt the last time I'd seen him, only this time I was SURE he was going to call. We did have an amazing night. I guess some things in life just aren't meant to happen. Some things are not meant to be. And some things are meant to be cut short. I feel for him. I feel for his family. Who thinks about being young and in good shape that something like that is going to happen? He will never know what it feels like to have the unconditional love from a child. I wonder if he's ever really been in love? The only good thing that I can think of right now that has come from this whole thing is that he is now in heaven with his dad who passed away some time ago...
