Just Another Bend In Journey of Life
Monday, November 07, 2005
Decisions Decisons....Well, I get to work today and someone plugged something into the inverted power or something so everything was down for about an hour. Once everything came up I find an email from Dan in my inbox. Seems as the inevitable happened. The airline filed Ch 11. We knew it was going to happen but hoped it wouldn't. Now what to do? Granted they have 60 days to find a financial backer or they go belly up I guess. Who the hell knows?! All I can do is hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Should the airline go under or they drastically cut costs, that could mean that Dan will lose all of his flying privalidges. Then what? How does Stella see her dad and brother? Well after hearing the news right away this morning I had all freaking day to think about it. I called up to Friend of the Court due to the fact that the press release said that salaried employees will have an immediate 5% pay decrease across the board. I hate the thought of the two of them struggling even though I know I'm far from being well off, however I put myself in their shoes. At least I have other family here too.... Well, then comes the decision of what happens if Dan DOES lose his job??? What is that going to mean for Stella? I cannot keep her from her dad and brother. What kind of mother would that make me? So of course then I think, where could I move? If I moved closer to Detroit it'd only be like a 6-8 hour drive. 3-4 hours each way. That's doable. So.... is this a sign? I've always said that I had no intention on staying when I moved back here and here I am 4 years later. Why? Why am I here? What is keeping me here? My parents moved out to camp 2 months ago and unless I go to camp, I see my dad when he's working and I think my mom has been here maybe twice since they've moved and probably only because she felt that she had to. I have my sister and Ava. I love little Ava to death and I hate to think about her growing up without me around but I can't stay here just for her either. Kelley I see on occasion. Usually if Stella and I go to the Gig on Thursdays. Otherwise it's a very rare occasion. Gretchen. I will always have her. I feel that she's the big sister I never had. While I'd have to say that she's my closest friend, I also feel that she and I have grown apart over the years. Granted that we still have fun when we're together but she has a family and Todd's friends. I feel very out of place around them. I don't know why, just do I guess. So why am I here? It doesn't seem to be for family. I have no boyfriend. Not even anyone that's interested in me. I love my job and it has taken me a long time to find a place that feels like family. I love the people that I work with and they treat me great. Could I find that again somewhere else? The other thing is that if I did move near the city, Stella would have SO much opportunity. She could be in the dance classes that she so longs to take. She could see that there is so much more to life than what there is here. On the other hand, growing up in a small town isn't so bad. There's hardly any violence, everyone knows everyone. I'm just so torn. So undecided as to what to do. I know that no one can tell me what I should do, it's something that I have to decide on my own. I also know that 60 days is a long way away and I shouldn't fret right now. I just hate the unknown. I hate not having a back up plan if I need one.
I think today was the first day I've cried in a very long time. I need some guidance or a sign so I know I'm going to do the right thing.
